Incredible weekend of running in Vermont. Went up for the annual 100on100 relay. I thought a play by play beginning with the first leg of the race was in order:
Leg 1 – Sammy goes into the woods on a very short but critical first leg as the only guy on the line who knows that another SLU (Luddington) alum is in this wave and is going to kill everyone. So he hangs back, watches them all try to stay with him, and then watches them come back. Nicely done. Still, he finishes so far behind Ludd that Hetzel asks “Did you fall down?”.
Sing with me! "One of these things is not like the other...."
Leg 2 – Folsom takes the hill down from Trapp like he’s shot from a bullet. He runs the next mile like he’s shot from a bullet. He runs the 3rd mile like he’s shot from a bullet. Fourth mile, eh, not so much. Still comes in with a blazing time.
Leg 3 – We were a little concerned having a former high jumper as our third leg. When he finished, I was pretty sure that I was relegated, yet again, to being the team’s weak link. Hetzel kills it and comes in smiling. I kind of want to kill him, but whatever.
Ladies and Gentlemen - your 2012 100on100 promo photo.
Leg 4 – Major uphill followed by major downhill for Derek. The Dumpster flies and I get the handoff thinking “how the hell is he in better shape now than when we were in college”
Leg 5 – My turn, let the pain begin. The heat’s rising big time. I drop a 7:15 on the mostly downhill first mile and 7:30′s for the next two. Love it! Feeling great. Then from 3-4 the wheels come off. My hips completely lock up on the one semi-major hill in the whole route. Must have hit 9:00 for that mile. Ouch. Major ouch. Titanic Ouch. Recovered and finished up OK, but I have two legs left. Hand off to….
Leg 6 – “Ladies and gentlemen, in his first ever 100on100, I present Coach Mike Howard”. In the words of the immortal Jason Mooney – “WHAMMO!”. This leg is tough with some crazy hills. Howard kills it. The man’s a machine. We’re all awed by the old man.
Leg 7 – Back to Sammy. He averages 6:43′s on a tough leg. Carrying at least 4 pounds of extra weight in sunscreen. Very nice job for the whitest man who’s ever lived.
Leg 8 – Longest leg of the day is Folsom’s 2nd leg. Not super hilly, but 8.3 miles is tough enough without the hills. Folsom hammers out 6:20′s. What a stud! Of course, he’s got to run up Killington later, so no one’s celebrating. We will see the face of death…
Steve Folsom in happier times
Leg 9 – Hetzel gets a short and sweet one. 3.5 miles and he kicks off 6:50′s. The 6’8″ high jumping, underwear modeling, butt sniffing pretty boy can move. We realize at this point that the funky smell in the van is the towel I’ve been sitting on since I finished my first leg. It drowns out all other funk in the van, which is considerable.
No, it's not and earthquake. Dwight's finishing his leg...
Leg 10 – Derek’s on a mission. It’s a fairly easy 4.2 mile leg and he hammers out 6:20′S. I can only imagine what the turnover rate must be on someone his height to get to that pace….
Leg 11 – This is where the piano falls on the Big Dog. I, by the way, am the Big Dog. The Piano fell on me. Actually happy with the first 3 miles or so, but once mile 4 hits, I’m toast, there’s nothing left. The hips have completely locked up. It’s here that we realize we have a competition going with another Master’s team called Rat Pack. Their guy flies by me on this leg. Not good, although I’m actually not too disappointed with my 8:09 pace on this leg. Just not happy with how it came about. Even splits, what’s that? By the way, 90 degrees means the same thing no matter where in America you are.
Leg 12 – Coach Howard, again, murders his leg. He morphs into a 6:20′s machine. We wonder out loud if he’s been juicing. Are those track marks?
Leg 13 – The march up Killington begins with Sammy who just so happens to know that he needs to bank time in the early miles of his leg because the last two are going to suck major funk. Believe me when I say he made this look good…
Leg 14 – Folsom got thrown under the bus here. 4 miles straight up Killington. He still pulls off 7:17 pace. AWESOME! However, the look on his face over the last 200 meters through the parking lot looks like one of the victims in that horror film “The Ring”. Can a man’s mouth really open that wide while his teeth are still clenched? Stretch marks anyone? Hide the children no one should see that!
Leg 15 – Hetzel flies down the backside of Killington. It’s starting to cool off and get darker. We’ve closed the gap on Rat Pack that was created when I bombed my 7 mile leg earlier. Derek is about to make it up.
Leg 16 – Derek is picking people off like he’s going for the record in Duck Hunt. Never seen anything like it. Put’s a big hurt on the Rat Pack guy he was chasing down and I proceed to….
Man, the lights make dwarf tossing so much easier to judge!
Leg 17 – …give it all back. The weak link has struck! Rat Pack’s guy, who I thought I could hold off in the cooler weather, drops me like a stone in the ocean. Funny, that’s about how my legs feel. Same deal as the other legs. I put in 3 solid miles until the hips lock up. Mile 3-4 is torture. I manage to crank the last one in on adrenaline and pride alone, but I leave Howard over 2minutes to make up on Rat Pack in his anchor leg.
Leg 18 – The old man gives it his all, but Rat Pack isn’t going to be caught. Great leg again I can’t tell you how amazed we all were with his performance. Who’d have thought the old guy would be the ringer. It would have been even better if not for the awkwardness of his wife reminding us how hot he looks now that he’s training hard again. TMI anyone???
For hire: Hotty old guy XC coach. Spoken for, but still..
Aftermath: Hey, Rat Pack. Nice race! You won fair and square. That smell you notice in your van is the towel that I was sitting on all day. Yes, we managed to hide it in your van. Hope it’s a rental, that stench will never come out….
